A shirt with a penguin on it.
In an age rife with the decadence of modernist culture, such concerns as where one might wear a shirt sporting a penguin rise to the top of the cesspool.
Yes, T-shirts are ubiquitous. No, they aren’t for all occasions. Yes, we wear them to weddings anyway. No, we don’t feel shame.
Working on the assumption that you both want to be fashionable as well as have no discernible fashion sense to speak of, we’ve drafted up this short guide to the ins and outs of penguin t-shirts. Ah yes, ideally don’t wear them inside out. Penguin could rub off on your soul.
I’m deep; like a penguin… Yeah, well you wouldn’t understand.
Edgy assertions such as the one above are the best reasons to sport a penguin tee. Sometimes people should be told what’s what. Penguin tees don’t dilly dally.
See this penguin? I am your emperor.
Subtlely explaining the social pecking order is quick and painless in a penguin shirt. You are emperor. This is clear because emperor penguins exist. No, your particular penguin shirt need not feature an emperor penguin.
Penguins are cute. I’m wearing a penguin. Therefore, I am cute.
Some might call that a stretch or non-sequitur. We call it the truth and that is all.
So, if nothing else, we hope to have taught you one valuable thing with this short guide – you need a penguin shirt.