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Saturday,December,So ve been

Found at: sdf.org:70/users/cpider/003

Saturday, 2 December, 2017

		
So I've been depressed for the last couple of months and that's all
tangled up with my break-up, which made things a lot harder.

		
I haven't really been doing anything for the last few months.

		
I probably should have been writing actually, I think that would
have helped, but thinking about it always made me more upset.

		
I feel like Kevin left me because I was depressed, even though he
seemed to understand at first.

		
The other person who understands is Daphne. With the depression, at
least. She seems to know exactly what it's like, even though it
hasn't happened to her. I guess because she sees me so much (we
both still live at home), she's sort of picked up on how I feel.

		
Not so much on the relationship front, though, but I can't blame
her for that. She's younger and hasn't really had a serious
relationship.

		
Have I had a serious relationship? I thought I did with Kevin, but
I guess maybe not. Or at least not for him.

		

		
He said that I wasn't myself anymore.

		
Who else would I be apart from myself?

		
I guess I was acting different when I was really depressed, but
that doesn't mean I wasn't me.

		
Do I have to be a certain way for someone to love me?

		
He used to. I thought he understood at first, too.

		
Do I have to be not depressed for someone to love me?

		

		
I know Daphne loves me, in a sister-y kind of way, even though I'm
depressed. Why can't it work that way for other people too?

		
I don't want to have to move on, and I feel quite alone now. To be
true, I felt quite alone already. My friends don't talk to me as
much, but I was really terrible about getting back to them too, so
I guess it's partly my fault. I'm getting better at it again.


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