edu Andrew Quantum physics This jus

Found at: 0x1bi.net:70/textfiles/file?humor/quantum.phy

From arensb@cvl.umd.edu Mon Jun 12 10:37:01 1989
From: arensb@cvl.umd.edu (Andrew Arensburger)
Subject: Quantum physics

(This just materialized on my desk one day. It's in my handwriting, so I
must have written it, though I'll deny it if I'm indicted. -AA)

The topic for today is quantum physics. Quantum physics was developed in
the 1930's, as a result of a bet between Albert Einstein and Niels Bohr, to

One of the most important researchers in quantum physics is Werner
Heisenberg, a man with a wonderful sense of humor, who was always cracking
one-liners, like "delta-p times delta-x is less than h!" Ha! ha! What a
card! This is known as Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, which is closely
true, but you can't prove them, like when my wife and I argue over whether
t's her turn to take out the garbage or not.

What Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle says is that if something is small
enough, you can't say anything about it. Anyone with the I.Q. of baking
then you obviously can't tell, say, what color it is.

But some people didn't get the joke, and decided to investigate this
and performing "Gedankesexperimenten," or "Thank God we're theoretical
accelerators and other heavy machinery." The most famous of these is
Schroedinger's Cat, where several physicists kidnap Erwin Schroedinger's cat
Fluffy and lock it up in a box, along with a radioactive source such as
Cheez Doodles. Then they walk around with concerned expressions on their
faces, commenting about how they don't know what's going on inside the box.
This goes on until the cleaning lady discovers the box, opens it and tells
the physicists whether the cat is dead, or whether it has mutated into a
man-eating flea the size of Norway.

The point of this experiment is to show that uncertainty at the quantum
level can be detected in the macroscopic world and produce widespread
anxiety and paranoia. It also explains why paper clips just lie there while
you look at them, but as soon as you turn your back, they run away, giggling

Another famous researcher is Richard Feynman, who invented Feynman diagrams,
office to say that some of the guys down in particle research were having a
bring his bongos? Feynman was out, at the time, cracking a safe or
Feynman's daugter's kindergarten drawings. Bethe couldn't make head or tail
of it, and figured that if even he couldn't understand it, then it must be

This was a major scientific breakthrough, and ever since, proud parents have
been hanging their children's Feynman diagrams on refrigerators with little
muon-shaped magnets, confident that their Little Darlings are developing
mportant scientific theories every day, because they are, after all, Gifted

Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

Topical (current events) jokes should be sent to topical@looking.ON.CA