[CONTACT]

[ABOUT]

[POLICY]

Guide for Detecting LOZER USERS Pro

Found at: 0x1bi.net:70/textfiles/file?humor/lozers

=====================================
]%%                               %%[
]%        CHUCKO'S Guide for       %[
]                                   [
]       Detecting  LOZER USERS      [
]                                   [
]            Produced by:           [
]                                   [
]  BIT BY BIT Information Services  [
]%---------------------------------%[
]   A Comprehensive guide designed  [
] to aid the SysOp in the detection [
]  and removal of leeches, lozers,  [
]%    assholes and other pests.    %[
]%%                               %%[
=====================================

Yes folks, another text file on our
favorite subject, BBS abusers!

When a lozer user logs on to your BBS,

CALLING
-------

A lozer user will usually call your
out that he must flip the switch on
to get any results. After several
more calls, he discovers that he gets
a much better connection with the
other switch in 'originate'. Due to
the recent influx of cheap 1200 baud
modems(6470, a big mistake) this phase
of lozer detection is more difficult
because most sysops automatically
assume that a 1200 baud user knows

LOGGING ON
----------
  

Watching a lozer user log on is like
find yourself wondering how they
managed to dial your number, much less
ated with modem and computer use.
What is really fun is switching to
another BBS program and counting the
number of times the lozer tries his
old I.D. before he figures out that he
must re-apply. If you have recently
log on, you can have a laugh as you
type his I.D. and PWD slower and

THE MAIN MENU
-------------

  
The average lozer seems to have some
adversion to read the menu, as well as
any other text file designed to help a
user learn how to use the board. They
every posssible combination of letters
until they find something that works.
He calls this 'hacking'. A lozer does
not know how to pause text, but that
s not a problem for him because he
a sample of the first commands usually
tried by the lozer:

D,DIR,DOW,UPL,UL,UD,U,DOW(again...)

After the Board tells him several
times that his level is too low, he
might try Chat anywhere from 5 to 20
times, or if he is already too taxed
mentally from his 'hacking' session,
logging off, he may leave you some
feedback asking 'how come I can't
upload?' (bullshit, never uploaded in
(yes, they learn how to abort) every-
thing on his blind way to the main
all commands associated with getting
GAMEZ. If for some unknown reason his
(the leech's 'log off') and hurry to
call another board. If you are lucky,
not bother calling back. But usually
other systems give him the same
treatment, and he calls yours back,
out of shear boredom. At  this time,
other commands on your system by
'hacking' some more.
  

CHAT
----

Heavily abused, need I say more?
Well, maybe not, but I will supply a

CHAT ENGAGED:

L:wHATZ UP? (notice reversed case)

S:the price of your ol' lady's puddy.

L:dO YUU HAVE (some old game)?

S:i formatted the disk last week.

L:oH ok.

S:is that all you wanted?

L:wHEN CANB I GET A LEVBEL RAISDE?
  
    (no back space, wonder why?)

S:ask me again in 2 years.

L:ok.dO YOU HABVE(some other old game)

S:get lost, leech.
 (connection mysteriously lost)

Sometimes the better leeches are up on
the latest software and, of course,
they expect you to give it to them.

FEEDBACK(when you dont wanna chat
--------         with the asshole)

Feedback is rare, due to the fact that
most of these assholes hate typing
even more than they hate reading.Plus
t consumes precious time that could
be better spent downloading.

  
From:   MASSIVE DUNG BALL  [#107]
Date:   Sun Jul 21, 1986  8:47 PM
Access: Scum!  Phone: (301)/263-9926
Name:   BRANDON GOLDFELTER
======================================

 THINK i AM READSY FOR A LEVVEL
RAISDESZ
(notice once again, reverse case
 and no backspace...)
 WOULDF KLIKE LEVCEL 8.
tHAT WOUYLD BE GREDAT!THANX!
 WOUKLD LIKE TO DOWNLOASD(attemps to
backspace frantically)UPLOAFD MORE.=
oH, i READF THE FILES(amazing...)ON
MCI CAMMONDS BUT i DOENT UDNERSTAD THE
THEM.CAN YUPO TELL ME HOW THEY WOLRK?
#V0
#P0
oH WELL, TALK TO YPOU LATXER!

  
/e
/exit
/s
/ex
/x
..SAVE                                  >>SAVE
lET  ME OUTT!
'.h'
SHIT!
HELP  ME   SYSOP!
(hangs up,totally confused)

Maybe they leave more feedback than

----------------

Lozers don't like to post either.
Unless they have something REALLY
mportant to post, like this:

  
#4 'i  NEED'
   By MASSIVE DUNG BALL (UID#107)
   On Thu Jun  5, 1986  1:00 PM
   -- No Responses --


    rAID OBVER mOSCOW
    zORK
    iMPOSSSIBLE mISHION
    sUMMER GAMNES
    gOUST bUSTERS
    gORF
 WANTED TO UPLOSAD lEMONADE BUT i
TRADE,GIVBE ME CA A CALL AT 263-9926.

      l8TOR dUDEZ!

  *    *
  ** **
  * * *
 *  * a s sb i v e
  

  ***
  *   *
  *  *
  *  *
  **b  un ng

  ***
  *d *
  ***
  *   *
  *  *
  *** a ll!!

WILL TAKE MY COMNPOTER AWAY.
..S
AVE
'.S'
>>save

Respond or Private Reply?

  
TEXT FILES
----------

Skip it...lozers do...

E-MAIL
------

Once again, the lozer hates typing and
can get gamez by doing it. It will
explore the mindless dribble that goes
on as 2 lozers send E-mail back and
forth to each other.


WELL, it would take more typing than
the traits a lozer might display. But
you get the general idea...
Now on to:
  

           =---------------=
           ] LOZER REMOVAL [
           =---------------=

Detection is after all, relatively
easy. Removing the lozer can be a real
busier BBS that doesnt voice validate
everyone, he can slip through and
only a matter of time before he gets
level just for lozers, maybe even give
them their own message base? Naaaah...
Blacklist the fuckheads! force them to
call the only boards that will have
them!
          LOZER BBS'S!!
  

 Program: 6485 or HAL
    Baud: 300
   Hours: Whenever they're not
          playing gamez

This file was poorly written by

           CHUCKO


     DOUBLE D and X-CALIBUR

Thanks to the lozers of the world,

Just for the hell of it, call the only
BBS with an entrance exam:

        Hacker's Haven
  
   Baud:300/1200
  Hours:24
 Number:301-269-5759

Also call(just for the hell of it):

  The Lunatic Phringe BBS
    Baud:300/1200 
    Hours: 24
  Number:312-965-3677


        British Exchange
   Baud:300/1200
  Hours:24
 Number:301-269-7550

        T.G.U.B.B.S.
   Baud:300/1200
  Hours:24
 Number:301-263-8718
  

        The BADLANDS
   Baud:300/1200
  Hours:24
 Number:301-974-4870

Be sure and call the other great BBS'
located in various states!
    (unless you're a lozer)

           Written 7-22-86
         Hope you enjoyed it.

      ==========================
      ]%                      %[
      ] Now kindly PISS OFF... [
      ]%                      %[
      ==========================


    The Lunatic Phringe BBS
  312-965-3677  300/1200 Baud