The Fifth Precinct Presents The LAW
Found at: 0x1bi.net:70/textfiles/file?humor/legal.hum
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The Fifth Precinct
[502] 245-8270
Presents
The LAW ENFORCEMENT Translator
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Police work, like any profession has its own jargon and set of terms and there
s sometimes a problem in translating these words from what they appear to be
taught literally hundreds of these words and catch phrases which are used in all
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WHAT IS SAID WHAT IS MEANT
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While on routine patrol... I was in the car because the coffee
shop was closed.
The motorist was operating his vehicle He had a bumper sticker that said
n a reckless manner...
The accident scene and the safety of It was raining.
the victims prevented this officer
from doing traffic control.
This officer went out-of-service to It was too hot to ride in the car.
to obtain intelligence informaton
from a street informant.
Knowing the suspect had a criminal He puked on my uniform one night...
The informant is of known credibility I've got two theft cases hanging over
and has provided reliable information his head...
n the past...
While being arrested, this subject He ripped my shirt and broke my new
The motorist was cited for multiple I wrote him one citation for each
traffic violations... swear-word he used...
Upon announcing my title and purpose The rock music was so loud they
through the door.
The members of the press at the scene I sent them to a non-exsistent
for speeding... owned a liquor store and who was
free after my shift was over.
The Chief appeared at the scene and I sent him to the same address as
took command. the reporters.
Further interview of the witnesses was Tonight is my bowling night...
mpossible, due to conditions.
The motorist's eyes were glassy, he He was howling at the moon and trying
on his feet, and smelled strongly of seat.
alcohol.
Using only enough force to restrain the My favorite song is 'Dropkick me
Life'.
The defendant asked this officer's I told him he didn't have the balls
advice on how to act before the judge to call te judge the same name he
at his arraignment... called me.
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COMMON PHRASES USED BY THE DISTRICT ATTORNEYS
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WHAT IS SAID WHAT IS MEANT
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Officer, we've decided to grant the I haven't read any of the paperwork
case.
The People have decided not to It's my bowling night...
We will entertain a motion for a I don't stand a chance against this
s not strong enough to go with...
him up a little.
Officer, why don't you run down the The office lost the case file.
Really Officer, did the defendant hurt The last time I saw any bloodshed
you that much? was when a girl punched me in the
nose in the 5th grade.
The defendant is an upstanding citizen He's highly connected in politics and
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COMMENTS OVERHEARD AT ROLL CALL
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WHAT IS SAID WHAT IS MEANT
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Honest Sarge, I used up all my issue That issued ammo isn't worth a snow-
ammo at the range. ball in hell. You need hot loads to
put a man down.
tonight.
We need more PR work. There's been too It's an election year.
much time spent writing tickets.
That stain on my tie is blood, Sarge. The ketchup bottle down at the diner
Effective today, we will be riding It's an optical illusion to make the
n one-man rather than two-man cars.
over the radio every hour for safety
Lieutenant who has a great amount of the Tactical unit and didn't smile
experience in other units. enough for Community Relations.
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OFFICERS CALLING HOME
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WHAT IS SAID WHAT IS MEANT
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Honest, honey, it's a stake-out and I'm going to an after-shift party
they told me I would have to work all and it's gonna be a barn burner.
night.
Boy! Did I have a rough day. It's a The sergeant chewed me out twice and
My part in the operation was critical. I was sent to a vacant lot with the
members of the press. the newspapers.
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