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HISTORY OF THE LIFE REEKED WITH

Found at: 0x1bi.net:70/textfiles/file?humor/history2.oop



                "A HISTORY OF THE PAST: `LIFE REEKED WITH JOY'"

    "History," declared Henry Ford, "is bunk."  And yet, to paraphrase George
Santayana, those who forget history and the English language are condemned to
mangle them.  Historian Anders Henriksson, a five-year veteran of the university
classroom, has faithfully recorded, from papers submitted by freshmen at McMas-
ter University and the University of Alberta, his students' more striking in-
an act of vengeance, Professor Henriksson has now assembled these individual
fragments into a chronological narrative which we present here.

    History, as we know, is always bias, because human beings have to be studied
by other human beings, not by independent observers of another species.
    During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged.  Church and state were
co-operatic.  Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords, and surfs.  It is
unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before
us, ready for dissection.  After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeped
nto Europe, merchants appeared.  Some were sitters and some were drifters.
They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in
they countryside.  Mideval people were violent.  Murder during this period was
nothing.  Everybody killed someone.  England fought numerously for land in
France and ended up wining and losing.  The Crusades were a series of military
expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the "home town" of
Christ) from the Islams.
    In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular.  A class of yeowls
arose.  Finally, Europe caught the Black Death.  The bubonic plague is a social
eras.  It was spread from port to port by inflected rats.  Victims of the Black
Death grew boobs on their necks.  The plague also helped the emergance of the
English lanugage as the national language of England, France, and Italy.
    The Middle Ages slimpared to a halt.  The renasense bolted in from the blue.
Life reeked with joy.  Italy became robust, and more individuals felt the value
of their human being.  Italy, of course, was much closer to the rest of the
almost lifelike.
    The Reformnation happened when German nobles resented the idea that tithes
quest for ressurection above the not-just-social beast he had become.  An angry
Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door.  Theologically, Luthar was
nto reorientation mutation.  Calvinism was the most convenient religion since
the days of the ancients.  Anabaptist services tended to be migratory.  The
as worms.  The last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century.
    After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal.  If the Spanish
could gain the Netherlands they would have a stronghold throughout northern Eu-
by the French for years and years.
    Louis XIV became King of the Sun.  He gave the people food and artillery.
their lives.  Vauban was the royal minister of flirtation.  In Russia the 17th
century was known as the time of the bounding of the serfs.  Russian nobles wore
clothes only to humour Peter the Great.  Peter filled his government with acci-
    The enlightenment was a reasonable time.  Voltare wrote a book called "Can-
known yet, and the fundamental stake was one of religious toleration slightly
confused with defeatism.  France was in a very serious state.  Taxation was a
t happened.  The revolution evolved through monarchial, republican, and tolari-
an phases until it catapulted into Napoleon.  Napoleon was ill with bladder
    History, a record of things left behind by past generations, started in
continent was undergoing a Rampant period of economic modification.  Industrial-
zation was precipitating in England.  Problems were so complexicated that in
    Great Brittian, the USA and other European countrys had demicratic leanings.
The middle class was tired and needed a rest.  The old order could see the lid
    A new time zone of national unification roared over the horizon.  Founder of
the new Italy was Cavour, an intelligent Sardine from the north.  Nationalism
aided Itally because nationalism is the growth of an army.  We can see that
nationalism succeeded for Itally because of France's big army.  Napoleon III-IV
mounted the French thrown.  One thinks of Napoleon III as a live extension of
the late, but great, Napoleon.  Here too was the new Germany: loud, bold, vul-
    Culture fomented from Europe's tip to its top.  Richard Strauss, who was
violent but methodical like his wife made him, plunged into vicious and perverse
tion.  When he died they labeled his seat "historical."  Other countries had
their own artists.  France had Chekhov.
    World War I broke out around 1912-1914.  Germany was on one side of France
and Russia was on the other.  At war people get killed, and then they aren't
tended by George Loid, Primal Minister of England.  President Wilson arrived
    Germany was displaced after WWI.  This gave rise to Hitler.  Germany was
morbidly overexcited an unbalanced.  Berlin became the decadent capital, where
all forms of sexual deprivations were practised.  A huge anti-semantic movement
arose.  Attractive slogans like "death to all Jews" were used by governmental
France.  The appeasers were blinded by the great red of the Soviets.  Moosealini
Germany invaded Poland, Franced invaded Belgium, and Russia invaded everybody.
War screeched to an end when a nukuleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima.  A
lies were left to pick up the peaces.
    According to Fromm, individual began historically in medieval times.  This
experiences its life development.  The last stage is us.


                                       - from "The Wilson Quarterly," sp '83


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