From fieldr@cs.glasgow.ac.uk Sat May 13 09:26:22 1989
From: fieldr@cs.glasgow.ac.uk (Raymond Field)
Subject: HELL
Can anyone please answer this one simple question?
Why are the only funny bits of the riddles the stupid answers that the
Hello, nice to see you all again.
As the more perceptive of you have probably realised by now - this is
Now, you're all here for eternity, which I hardly need tell you is a sod
of a long time, so you get to know everyone pretty well by the end, but
for now I'll have to split you up into groups.
Are there any questions?
No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets, if you'd read your bible you would
then, I believe that's the general idea.
Right, let's split you up then.
Can you all hear me?
CAN YOU HEAR ME AT THE RACK?
Off we go...
Murderers, over here. Looters and pillagers - over there please, thieves if you
could join them, and BANKMANAGERS.
Fornicators, if you could step forward - My God there are a lot of you.
Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest? Adulterers if you could
AMERICANS, are you here? I'm sorry about this, apparently God had some
fracas with your founding fathers and damned the entire race into perpetuity.
He sends particular condolences to the Mormans who He realises put in a lot
of work. The Iranians, I'm afraid, couldn't be with us - someone's been
Sodomites, over there against the wall.
Atheists, over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of charlies.
Christians, ah yes, I'm afraid the Jews were right.
Moonies, maniacs, marmite eaters, male models, masochists, mass murderers and
masseurs, if you could take a pew at the back - with the Methodists that is.
Now, you're the lot who used to kill whales, is that right? Ah, yes, I must
Everyone who saw Monty Pythons' "Life Of Brian", I'm afraid He can't take
a joke after all.
Alright now, one final thing - we're trying to implement some sort of exchange
manner, so, I hope you will do the exact opposite - tear off their wings, use
their holoes for frisbee practice, that sort of thing.
Well, I have to go now, but Beelzebub here will show you the ropes
chains,
and electrodes.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Death.
Death wh..........
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that have been infecting the network recently
Ray
Well I have to go now, but Beelzebub here will show you the ropes
--
* Janet | fieldr@uk.ac.glasgow.cs | Don't be paranoid - *
* USEnet | mcvax!cs.glasgow.ac.uk!fieldr | They REALLY are out *
* ARPAnet | fieldr@cs.glasgow.ac.uk | to get you *
* -------------- ....and may your God go with you -------------------- *
