T H E
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B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
How Ernie and Bert Came to Be
You all know Ernie and Bert- they're those two puppet guys that live in an
apartment on Sesame Street. You probably also have stayed up late at night
breaking into a cold sweat because you couldn't figure out how they were
adults. Now that you are thoroughly confused, I will help you sort it out.
First of all, Bert is Ernie's father. That's why they sleep in seperate
beds. If you want, they can be gay and incestuous, but thats up to your sick
little imagination. Anyway, Bert's wife was red. In case you don't remember
bert is yellow and ernie is orange. Red and yellow make orange, hence ernie's
Bert worked in a factory for several years before he came to sesame
little too close to that machine that crushes steel girders into pellets the
about ernie's age.
When Bert's wife realized that Bert had become a moron, she divorced him
and took everything they owned (except that little brat Ernie). Well, bert's
lawyer found out and sued the wife for everything she had. Unfortunately Bert
and Ernie couldn't live alone so they were put into a community for the
mentally unwell. You got it- Sesame Street. They met Oscar, a wierd hairy man
obsessed with garbage. Big Bird, a junkie and hallucinogen user who always
thought he was being followed by a brown elephant-like thing called
Snuffalopagulopaloopulagus. All the real people on sesame street are
counselors for the deranged folks who live there. Why else would they be so
bloody nice all the time? The real people kids are trucked in from nearby
towns to act as a positive influence on the patients.
Well, thats it. Years of research went into this, and it actually makes
like to see you find a flaw in it.
(C) 1991 by TriWorld (Un)Limited & The Durex Blender Corporation
All Rights Curiously Examined And Contemplated
"Oozing and Pulsating things are better left untouched."