# while someone asked how many generi

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How Many Generic Chickens Can You Fit Into a Generic Pontiac?

A while back, someone asked how many generic chickens would fit

nto a generic Pontiac. This question has been on my mind recently, so I

wave-like nature. In reproducing Thomas Young's famous double-slit

experiment of 1801, Sir Kenneth Harbour-Thomas showed that chickens

not only diffract, but produce interference patterns as well. (This

experiment is fully documented in Sir Kenneth's famous treatise

"Tossing Chickens Through Various Apertures in Modern Architecture",

1897)

chicken is placed in an enclosed space, it will be impossible to

pinpoint the exact location of the chicken at any given time t. This

was summarized by Helmut Heisenberg (Werner's younger brother) in

the equation:

d(chicken) * dt >= b

(where b is the barnyard constant; 5.2 x10^(-14) domestic fowl *

seconds)

of physics, so energy, momentum, and charge must all be conserved.

A. Chickens (fortunately) do not carry electric charge. This was

discovered by Benjamin Franklin, after repeated experiments with

chickens, kites, and thunderstorms.

B. The total energy of a chicken is given by the equation:

E = K + V

Where V is the potential energy of the chicken, and K is the

kinetic energy of the chicken, given by

(.5)mv^2 or (p^2) / (2m).

C. Since chickens have an associated wavelength, w, we know that

the momentum of a free-chicken (that is, a chicken not enclosed

in any sort of Pontiac) is given by: p = b / w.

for the potential energy of a generic chicken. (A wave equation will

allow us to calculate the probability of finding any number of

chickens in automobiles.) The wave equation for a non-relativistic,

time-independant chicken in a one- dimensional Pontiac is given by:

[V * P] - [[(b^2) / (2m)] * D^2(P)] = E * P

P is the wave function, and D^2(P) is its second derivative.

The wave equation can be used to prove that chickens are in

fact quantized, and that by using the Perdue Exclusion formula

we know that no two chickens in any Pontiac can have the same

set of quantum numbers.

V. The probability of finding a chicken in the Pontiac is simply the

integral of P * P * dChicken from 0 to x, where x = the length of the

Pontiac. Since each chicken will have its own set of quantum numbers

(when examining the case of the three-dimensional Pontiac) different

wave functions can be derived for each set of quantum numbers.

It is important to note that we now know that there is no such

thing as a generic chicken. Each chicken influences the position and

velocity of every other chicken inside the Pontiac, and each chicken

must be treated individually.

It has been theorized that chickens do in fact have an intrinsic

angular momentum, yet no experiment has been yet conducted to prove

this, as chickens tend to move away from someone trying to spin them.

Curious sidenote: Whenever possible, any attempt to integrate a

chicken should be done by parts, as most people will tend to want the

legs (dark meat), which can lead to innumerable family conflicts

which are best avoided if at all possible.

The Prestidigitator, Drew Physics Major Extraordinary

24 March 1988