So, Bitcoin is bombing at the moment and all the B-boys on the block have buffed up their diamond hands to take a stab at catching its dagger-like descent.

My inner troll led me to their lair (r/Bitcoin) to lap up the laughs like they're trading on Mt. Gox.

I can't stop laughing.

Neither will you, fellow wizard (or witch), once you've seen some of the asinine quotes I've culled from these untintentional comedic geniuses.

I've dubbed their place on the web Bitcoiningsham Palace; unofficially, of course. There we may partake in the revelry that is their wanton delusion together.

Our merriment will never end.

Let's begin with the best and get better...

Shine Bright, Like a Diamond

What would Internet investment advice be without mentioning diamond hands?

In short, less hilarious.

With hands of purest elemental crystal, the strong-willed outlast the feeble-minded fumblers of bitcoin-hodling infamy. These guys are tougher than thou and they know it.

The toughness of these Internet tough guys transcends space-time. Your fear is as offensive to them as a fart in their face.

The mere mention of selling during a selloff provokes their wrath.

Some seem to recognize the baked in fragility of this failed system for worldwide monetary change...

But they are dismissed as the cowards they clearly are.

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

Bitcoin bros know it's sats before hoes, always and forever. They don't give up and "surrender" is absent from their lexicon. They're in it for the tech... And the lambos.

Indeed, their steadfast faith borders on the uber-spiritual as they place faith in the divine that their profits will pull through.

I like to imagine every single quote from these people being delivered with deadpan sincerity. Like, they mean this; they're down for life.

A life of holding onto something that will soon, soon enough make them millionaires. They get up and stay up for it, if you know what I mean...

Funny how no other legitimate use case comes to mind. Well, except for saving all of humanity, of course...

Only true wizards like Merlin3301 above know what's up, though. The rest of us are but dead sunfish floating on the sea of fate.

It's the Future

When in doubt, claim it's the future.

Bitcoin is always the future, no matter how many decades it slumps along, panhandling for "widespread adoption"TM.

It's the future even if its extensive past and present stack up to zilch in an everyday usability sense. In fact, anything and everything supports this notion.

China bans its use = the future.

Price drops off a cliff in less than a week = future.

Improvements to the technology use better, non-blockchain processes that have existed for decades to speed it up offchain = come join us in Tomorrowland comrade! The future is now! #HODL

If that's not enough for you, you could always take their word for it.

A promise is worth a thousand tears...

Don't double down.

Don't fall for the crazy. Sell if it makes sense (it does) and save yourself the financial destruction that is yet to come.

Read about bitcoin's many failings next.

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